In a shocking escalation of Britain’s drive toward an ever-more inclusive public space, two officers from the Metropolitan Police took a St George’s Cross flag into custody this morning for the alleged offence of Causing Harassment, Alarm and Distress (CHAD).
We understand the officers were diverted from a critical diversity and inclusion session after receiving a non-urgent but high-priority call from a local resident. The resident, who declined to be named, reported the flag for “fluttering around in a clearly aggressive manner, designed to cause offense.” Officers immediately raced to the scene and, following established protocol, read the St George’s Cross its rights before transporting it back to the station for questioning.
Local resident Stan Davies, a retired cab driver, told our reporter: “It never did me any harm. It was very quiet and generally kept itself to itself. If it was up to something, it hid it well. Seems a shame, but you can’t be too careful these days.”
However, Dr. Pam Whalesong, a visiting Women’s Studies Lecturer at the University of Central London, asserted that while the fabric appeared may have appeared benign to the uneducated, it “clearly symbolised anachronistic and atavistic colonial narratives that perpetuate hierarchies of unconscious heteronormativity, thereby constituting an unacceptable act of systemic racial and cultural bias, and its immediate removal was a public duty of care.”
The flag is now facing a potential 2-3 years in prison. When we contacted them for a statement, the Met declined, saying they could not comment on an ongoing investigation.
